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I Quit.

May 2, 2007

I hereby resign my position as the entertainment director of my life. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not very good at it.  When I make most of my daily decisions on the basis of what I think will make me happy, I don’t end up very happy.  But Psalm 37:4 tells me that if I delight myself in the Lord, he will give me the desires of my heart.  So if I will focus instead on knowing God and serving His people, I think I’ll end up a lot happier.

This insight from the word feels like a follow-up to last week’s epiphany which was: If I don’t become less selfish, I’m going to die of boredom.  Just a few years ago, my biggest fear was that if I didn’t overcome my selfishness, I was going to shipwreck my life and ministry by some outbreak of sinful passion.  Now that my youthful passions are fading, my greatest fear is that if I don’t overcome my selfishness I’m going to die of boredom.  I feel like I’m living in Ecclesiastes 2.  None of my escapist hobbies are fun anymore.  As Springsteen sang, “I’m just tired and bored of myself.  Hey there, hey there, I could use just a little help.”

I’m becoming convinced that the answer to this mid-life ennui is to start caring about some other people.  That might mean some work and sacrifice, but at least it will decrease the chances of my being found catatonic in front of this computer screen. 

10 Comments leave one →
  1. Oddball permalink
    May 2, 2007 7:46 pm

    Sounds slightly reminiscent of Campolo’s “onion” illustration.

    Remember that one?

  2. May 2, 2007 10:26 pm

    I do remember that one. But I’m not immediately seeing the connection. Spell it out for me.

  3. May 3, 2007 3:07 pm

    Michael, This is Les from Australia. Great blog. Attached is the website for my blog that I forgot to send to you.


  4. May 4, 2007 8:40 am

    This is so right-on brilliant. Made me remember Yaconelli quoting Tozer: “The more pagan a society becomes, the more boring its people become.”

    It’s so, so right, and true at my little individual level, too.

    Sorry to chime in outside the blogosophy lines, but I couldn’t resist…

  5. May 4, 2007 9:14 am

    Thanks, Brant. No apology necessary. You are “known to several in our community” and are welcome to comment anytime.

  6. egana permalink
    May 4, 2007 2:59 pm

    “If I don’t become less selfish, I’m going to die of boredom.”

    too right! The flesh just isn’t creative enough to be very interesting… at least mine isn’t. I’ve been thinking about signing up to volunteer at the ReStore to get us up and out of ourselves a little bit. ANYTHING else has got to be more interesting than combing the blog archives hoping for something fascinating to give me an emotional boost…

    Anyone else got any good alternatives to self-oriented boredom?

  7. Oddball permalink
    May 8, 2007 12:41 pm

    I was just thinking of Campolo’s comment that your commitments define you, which came to mind when I read your final paragraph.

  8. May 8, 2007 10:06 pm

    Providentially, I just heard David Powlison use the same illustration today about the endless onion. The lie is, “if I only understood why I do what I do, I could change”. The truth is, you don’t need understanding, you just need to stop it. Deep inside our souls is a black box of impenetrable and unanalyzable dumbness. Why do you do what you do? Because you love what you do more than God. How much deeper an explanation do you want?

  9. Oddball permalink
    May 8, 2007 10:55 pm

    I think the simple solution is to just start playing some more interactive video games. You should download the tactical war games I’ve gotten hooked on, and we can play by e-mail!

    (They’re kind of like chess with cool graphics.)

  10. May 8, 2007 11:00 pm

    Get thee behind me Satan!


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